Title: Leap of Faith
Genre: Romance, Drama, Smut (in the last chapter! :P)
Disclaimer: Nope. Don't own. xD
Summary: A night of drinking leads to something happening between Nakamaru and Ueda, leaving both with confused thoughts and mixed emotions. Will they be brave enough to take a leap of faith?
Nakamaru stretched out a hand from under the bed covers, blindly searching for his ringing cellphone. Finally, he found it under a pillow and, pressing the button to take the incoming call, he sleepily put the phone to his ear. Before he even got a chance to speak, he already heard Koki’s loud voice from the phone’s speaker,
“Your mom said you were still sick, is that true?!”
Nakamaru winced, holding the cellphone a few inches away from his ear, and simply said, “Yes.”
“Well, how are you feeling now?” Nakamaru could hear the concern in Koki’s voice.
“Yucchi!” Koki exclaimed teasingly, “You’re lying aren’t you! You haven’t been to rehearsals for three days, you can’t still be sick.”
“Yes, well I’m still sick, please just let me rest until I’m feeling better, alright?” Nakamaru felt a little guilty for being so curt, but he was just not in the mood to talk to anyone at the moment.
Koki was silent for a moment, and then said, “Okay. But if you need to talk or anything, I’m always here.”
“Thanks, Koki. I appreciate it.”
“It’s some girl, isn’t it! What’re you not telling me—”
“Bye…” said Nakamaru, his finger positioned to press the “end call” button.
“—Hey! Don’t hang up yet! Come out with us tonight! We’re going clubbing with some models. Gorgeous models, Yucchi! You need to forget that girl you’re sulking about right now.”
Nakamaru didn’t reply. He was silent for so long that Koki had to say again, “Hello?”
“… I’ll think about it, okay?”
“Okay. Hey, just…” Koki seemed to be struggling to find the right words, “Don’t get so down. Whatever you’re going through, it’s going to be fine.”
“Thank you. Bye, Koki. I’ll see you later. Maybe.”
Nakamaru ended the call and rolled over so that he was lying facedown on the bed. He pulled the covers over his head and closed his eyes. It was very peaceful, just lying down like that. He’d been sleeping a lot the past few days. At first, he actually had to rest because he had developed a fever. But even when his fever had gone down, he still didn’t feel like doing anything except lie around and think. And perhaps, sulk.
He’d been doing a lot of thinking the past few days, and he was glad to find that it was actually helping him to feel better about things. Now that everything was sorted out, maybe he could finally move on.
Perhaps he had been wrong that night to respond to Ueda’s advances. Although Ueda had given him mixed signals, at the end of the day, Nakamaru was the one who was desperate enough to take advantage of a drunk and irrational Ueda. He was the bad guy here.
Nakamaru sighed. He hadn’t realized before just how deeply he’d fallen for Ueda. He didn’t even know when it started. He only knew that, for the longest time, it was with Ueda he felt most comfortable and most happy. And suddenly, everything about Ueda fascinated him— his smile, his quirks, the candid and childlike side to his personality. Without realizing it, Nakamaru had fallen deeply in love. But he knew now that Ueda did not return his feelings.
Now, there was no need for things to get complicated. All he needed to do was just suck it up, forget and move on. He only wished that feelings could just be turned off so easily. He just had to be comforted by the fact that, surely, in time, what he felt for Ueda would go away— sooner than later, he hoped.
At that moment, the phone on the study desk began to ring. Nakamaru didn’t stand up, and let the call go to the answering machine.
“Hello Nakamaru, are you there?” Kame’s voice sounded cheerful, but also a little worried, “Hey, you haven’t come for rehearsals in a while. We haven’t heard from you either. Are you still sick? Are you okay? Your mom wouldn’t let us in the house when we went to visit you. She said you were too sick to see anyone… Anyway, maybe it would be good for you to go out tonight? I’ll come and pick you up later. Call me if you’re going with us, okay? Bye.”
Nakamaru decided he would go, for his own sanity. He couldn’t hide away forever. He picked up his cellphone and dialed Kamenashi’s number.
Ueda nodded, smiling politely, trying his best to look interested in what the woman across the table from him was saying. She was actually quite attractive, not girlish and cute, but had a more classic beauty— exactly his type. Her name, she said, was Yukari. She tended to talk too much, however. It would’ve been fine, really, if she didn’t talk so much about herself. Ueda was rather thankful that the music in the club was so loud that he couldn’t really hear much of what Yukari was saying.
Ueda had come to the club with the rest of KAT-TUN, but late in the night, the other members went their separate ways. Koki and Taguchi went off with a group of girls, laughing and dancing raucously in the middle of the crowd on the dance floor. Kamenashi had been sitting down on the table with Ueda, but his cellphone had starting ringing with an incoming call. “Hello Jin?” Kamenashi had said into the phone, and motioned that he had to go to take the phone call. Kamenashi stood up and left, but never came back.
Nakamaru was at another table, taken aside from the very beginning of the night by two of the models. The girls seemed to be having fun with Nakamaru’s shy and awkward reactions toward them. Ueda was quite sure that one of them was called Mio, and the other Aya but he didn’t know which was which. They teased Nakamaru and openly flirted with him, but all he did was look uncomfortable. One of them, (Mio was it?) leaned forward to whisper in his ear—
Ueda looked away, turning his attention back to the woman in front of him.
“Let’s dance,” Yukari said, flashing a beautiful smile. The dim lights made her look almost ethereal and angelic. Ueda was pleasantly surprised. Not a lot of women could make his heart go ‘doki doki’ with a single look.
“Alright, let’s go,” replied Ueda, grinning and taking the woman’s hand. He led her to the dance floor. He started to move to the beat of the music, swaying his hips a little. Yukari followed his lead, dancing close to Ueda. Yukari was quite a good dancer, adding little flourishes to simple steps to make them more eye-catching. Ueda was starting to enjoy himself, trading comments now and then with the woman and laughing at little jokes.
This is how it’s supposed to be, Ueda thought. This was how he’d envisioned it happening: he’d meet the perfect girl, he’d make her his girlfriend, they’d get married and find a house where they could live together—
“Can we join you?”
Ueda looked up and saw the two girls that were chatting up Nakamaru, each girl holding one of Nakamaru’s arms. Nakamaru didn’t seem like he wanted to be on the dance floor at all.
“Uh, sure, of course,” replied Ueda, “You don’t mind, Yukari?”
“Not at all,” said Yukari, taking Ueda’s arm, “But Ueda and I are dancing together, okay?”
The two other girls giggled and nodded enthusiastically. They didn’t relinquish their hold on Nakamaru and were coaxing him to start dancing. Nakamaru, looking extremely ill at ease, kept refusing and shaking his head.
“Are you still feeling sick, Maru?” Ueda asked, laughing as naturally as he could manage.
“What?” Nakamaru looked taken aback at Ueda’s question.
“This guy had called in sick the past few days,” said Ueda to the girls, “He’s just gotten well, so please take care of him.”
One of the girls beside Nakamaru tittered, and cooed, “Aww, poor you! Are you okay? Do you need to sit down?”
“No, it’s okay,” said Nakamaru, with a weak smile, “I’m fine, really.”
“Hey, we should be dancing, not talking,” said Yukari, grinning, “And you should be looking at me,” and Yukari slipped her arms around Ueda’s waist.
Ueda frowned, irked at the sudden familiarity.
“Maybe we shouldn’t be dancing so close together,” said Ueda, trying his best to smile politely.
“It’s fine,” replied Yukari, laying her head on Ueda’s shoulder, swaying slowly.
From the corner of his eye, Ueda saw Nakamaru throw a furtive glance in their direction.
Ueda put his hands on Yukari’s shoulders, slow dancing with her in spite of the fast techno music blaring. He was attracted to her, no doubt, with her pretty eyes, soft curves, and svelte, graceful figure.
“Nakamaru!” said Aya, (yes, Ueda remembered she was the one with the high-pitched voice), “What’s wrong? Are you feeling well?”
Ueda turned his head, and saw that Nakamaru was looking a little pale.
“I’m fine,” said Nakamaru in a wavering voice, “Don’t mind me. I just need some air, that’s all.”
Nakamaru abruptly made his way out of the dance floor and disappeared somewhere in the crowd. Ueda hesitated a moment, then decided to follow him, abandoning the woman he was dancing with without another word.
“Hey!” he heard Yukari calling after him, but he ignored her. She was very beautiful, but Ueda decided that he didn’t like her very much after all.
Nakamaru walked so fast that Ueda almost lost him in the mass of people dancing rowdily all around them. The other man didn’t seem to know where he was going, and appeared to be blindly going toward whatever exit he could find.
Nakamaru walked past a pair of doors at the back of the establishment that led to a small deserted balcony overlooking the city lights. The music of the club faded to a quieter sort of din, and Ueda realized that he was thankful for it. His head was starting to hurt from the loud music.
Ueda kept away a certain distance, not sure if he wanted Nakamaru to know that he had followed him.
The other man leaned on the balcony’s railings and bowed his head, as if he were going to throw up. Overcome with worry, Ueda called his name.
Nakamaru turned suddenly to face him, surprised. Through the illumination of the lights overhead, Ueda saw what looked like tears in Nakamaru’s eyes. Ueda froze in his tracks, stunned.
Nakamaru blinked, raising a questioning eyebrow. Ueda relaxed. Maybe he wasn’t crying after all.
“Ueda, what’s wrong? Why did you leave your date?” Nakamaru asked, stumbling just a little on the last word.
“I – I was worried about you,” replied Ueda nervously, “You were looking a little pale.”
Nakamaru smiled and waved his hand dismissively, “I’m okay now. I just needed to get away for a while.”
“Alright then,” and Ueda suddenly felt awkward, “I guess I’ll be going back. Yukari must be waiting…”
“Yes…” said Nakamaru, averting his eyes.
Ueda hesitated, wondering if Nakamaru was really alright. Well, he didn’t look as pale now as he did a few moments ago. If anything, the older man seemed a little withdrawn, and somewhat sad. But maybe Ueda was imagining things.
He took one last look at Nakamaru, who was watching the cars go by on the streets below, the city’s many lights flickering in his dark eyes. Ueda felt he should say something, but he didn’t know what. He turned around, thinking of what excuse he was going to tell Yukari. She would surely be upset that he just left her like that in the middle of the dance floor—
Ueda blinked, not sure if he really heard what he thought he did.
“Don’t go back,” Nakamaru repeated, his voice louder and clearer now.
~end of Chapter Three
Link to Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four